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Postpartum Doula & Certified Fitness Trainer Offering Support in the Tri-Cities

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The Power of Perspective

January 8, 2019 By Me2Admin

For all the mamas out there in the trenches.

 

Per.spec.tive

Noun

A particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.

Also known as, in motherhood — the ability to wrap your head around the fact that you can survive this!

For myself and many of the mamas I encounter, the idea of Motherhood and the reality of it tend to be two completely different things. If you are a first time mom reading this and your newborn is suckling your nipple half asleep (you know this icky feeling), or he’s screaming and you don’t know why and you’re so tired you feel like you may fall over, then I am almost positive you have had the same thoughts that I did when I brought my first baby home – “Will I survive this?”

I am here to tell you mama, that yes… you will. But what if rather then just survive it, you could relish in it? If there is one gift I can give you via this virtual platform, it would be perspective — the ability to take motherhood moment by moment. To interrupt any negative self talk and instead see yourself as the warrior that you are. To not deem yourself a failure if you aren’t sure what you are doing some days, but rather commend yourself for doing the best you can. To forgive yourself if you lose your sh*t. To acknowledge that while you are a mother, you are also a human — be kind to yourself. This is not something I had yet mastered with my first born and my postpartum journey was anything but the idea I had in my mind. I suffered crippling anxiety, overwhelming feelings of “what did I get myself into?” and an inert fear that I may not make it out of that first year alive. So when I was close to having my second (just a mere 18 months after having my first), I promised myself that this time, no matter how difficult the days may be, I would be present in the moment and cognizant that I could do this. And so, perhaps in a way to test my strength, the good Lord above blessed me with a very challenging baby boy. I am talking scream a lot, sleep never, kind of baby. So here I was, able to put this new found power of perspective to use. 

One morning, Weston in the ergo crying and flailing, determined never to fall sleep, I noticed silent tears streaming down my face. I let them come. It was in this absolutely exhausted, incredibly emotional moment, that I made the decision to delve into the deepest depths of myself. It was in this place that I found a voice. A voice that started as a whisper but grew quickly into a clamor. “You can do this. You are doing this. It will not always be this difficult. You’ve got this!” It became my mantra and over time, I began to believe it. As I did this, a beautiful thing happened… I found myself living in the present moment. I was able to get through the shushing until I was blue in the face, look at his little (finally) sleeping face and breathe a breath of serenity. I was able to feel joy — the greatest joy, in a moment of such struggle. 

The fact that I was able to do this was empowering but at times, also a little sad. Sad because I was not capable of this my first time around. I found myself nearly two years later, mourning the fact that my postpartum experience with Vi could have been so very different if I didn’t spend so much time in a tizzy of negative emotions like fear, guilt, shame and self-doubt. All my life I had imagined being a mother, and yet there I was wondering if I was cut out for the job. 

However, with Vi, the universe was kind. After about four months we turned a corner and she became a very easy going, relatively good sleeping, not fuss for weeks, kind of gal. I got my footing in motherhood and I began to enjoy it. So much so, that we decided to grow our family when she was just eight months old! But, I know that this period of struggle can be much longer for some and that is why I am here trying to awaken that whisper I know you hear at times — to turn it into a thunderous, life changing volume. To remind you that it is our ‘dark’ days that can actually be the most empowering. To be able to surrender to the most difficult moments and then find the joy in a beautiful one just moments later — that mama, that is it. That is motherhood. 

And lastly, my hope is that you will allow yourself to experience what I did in March of 2018, after the most challenging year of my life. 

Gratitude.

Gratitude for myself — body, mind and spirit. For my husband, my babies, my family, my life. And, as I step into the toddler/preschooler years of parenthood, I bring this well earned feeling with me. 

So no, motherhood was not what I expected. It is the most unexpected, greatest gift that I had ever been given. It made me better, stronger – it made me myself. 

 

Comments

  1. 1

    mom says

    January 8, 2019 at 12:55 pm

    Lovely

    • 2

      Me2Admin says

      January 11, 2019 at 9:36 am

      Awe, thanks Mama! I get it now 😉

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bottle feeding breastfeeding c-section cancer doula family feeding baby firsts first time mom fitlife foodlife friendship journey momlife motherhood my life parenting postpartum real life self growth survivor
We found them on a routine ultrasound – fibroids We found them on a routine ultrasound – fibroids: solid, benign tumors.

Given there was nothing we could do about them during pregnancy, I took the info with a grain of salt (and admittedly, some anxiety) and moved on. By my second pregnancy less than two years later, they had multiplied, grown, and eliminated the chance of a v-bac but baby boy was born via another c-section and I didn’t think about them again until 4 years later when they began to wreak havoc. (I’ll leave you to go ahead and google what they are capable of.) 😉 

These stubborn masses continue to grow in both size and number until menopause. At the age of 34, that was daunting to hear. Even more so, there is no medication available and only two procedures to treat them – an ablation or hysterectomy. An ablation leaves your uterus intact but offers temporary results with most fibroids returning in the years to come. Given we are done having children, it felt like a straightforward choice.

Hysterectomy it is.

Cue all the feelings, but perhaps what caught me off guard most was the attachment I felt to this organ. There is a source of femininity that derives from our womb and the thoughts of how I may feel after this is removed from my body have been interesting to sift through. 

After my c-sections, the mere act of lifting myself off the couch was difficult. The way our core supports the entirety of our body does not evade me. Will this  elective surgery have a similar recovery? 🥴

My second c-section had its trials when I didn’t respond to the medication well and I felt more than I should have. It took me almost 2 years to be able talk about the experience without having a full-on trauma response. 

But, I have healed. I have done the work to get to this balanced and strong place I find myself in now and I have to remind myself daily that I have a firmer foundation now than I did years ago. I am not the same woman who rolled into that operating room in 2015.

I can say with confidence that I will get through this and use it to do good in the world. I will dig deep and allow it to grow me in ways I haven’t yet ventured through.

So see ya later uterus, let’s see who I am without you. ✌🏻
Do you feel like some things feel harder for you t Do you feel like some things feel harder for you than for others?

It’s probably because they are! 

Oh my goodness, how often do we find ourselves comparing one another? We look at the way someone else is living and think, “they make it look so easy.” The truth is, we all have the opportunity to maximize our odds, and it doesn’t look like trying to be the best at something because it’s trendy. It is about finding the right field for YOU. 

Pick the right habits for YOU and progress is going to feel a heck of a lot easier. Pick the wrong habits and life will feel like a struggle. 

Want to be physically active? Great! Find a means that’s most enjoyable. If you hate running, don’t do it! Find habits that feel pleasurable (or at least ones you don’t hate.) 

The truth is we are all born with a makeup of genes that we cannot change. What comes easy to me, may feel hard for you and vice versa. 

Habits are so much easier when they align with our natural abilities. Find something that favours your strengths or create your own way that is specific to you. 

Genes do not diminish the need for hard work, they make it crystal clear. They are what tell us what and where to place our efforts. 

I love leading others, I’ve been this way since I came out of the womb. It feels easy and fun to me to speak to big groups or have intimate 1:1 conversations. Going deep doesn’t feel like a chore, it feels like a thrill. So I began a career where I can use and grow in those skills and it doesn’t feel like work! I love to lift weights and run in the woods but cycling feels like a chore. I’ll never enjoy it you won’t be seeing me compete in Tour De France any time soon. I love to write but reading takes more discipline. The list goes on. 

I love this example from the book Atomic Habits:

“Boiling water will soften a potato but harden an egg. You can’t control whether you’re a potato or an egg, but you can decide to play a game where it’s better to be hard or soft.”

What’s something you’re good at and feels easy/pleasurable and what’s something you don’t enjoy that feels hard? 👇🏻

📸 @jamalamyaphotography
Two years ago I was lounging in my backyard sippin Two years ago I was lounging in my backyard sipping beer while I waited for the ‘two week lockdown’ to lift. 

It didnt take long for me to understand that this foreign way of life may be here to stay longer than expected and so, I started to reevaluate things. Sitting around sipping IPA got old quick, and I decided that it was time to find some coping mechanisms that were healthier for both body and mind. 

I decided to get brutally honest with myself about the life I wanted to live vs. the life I was actually living based on the habits I was (and was not) practicing. I began to recognize that who I felt I was meant to be deep deep down in my soul, was going to take some work and I was ready to get uncomfortable. 

I started to exercise every morning, eat a little cleaner, drink a little less. These changes sparked something in me — the motivation to really shake things up. 

They were the catalysts. 

I dove all in. 

I made physical exercise a non-negotiable, ate food that nourished me, submersed myself into accountability amongst like-minded women and connected consistently with friends that lit me up. I wrote, read good books, leaned into my faith, went to therapy and finally gave myself permission to build the life I was called to live. 

As I established this foundation of a new normal, I watched my life begin to change. I watched as everything around me felt more joyful. I became a better wife, mother, friend and family member. I went back to school and grew my business which now enables me to serve other women on their own journey. The ‘snowball effect’ is the real deal. 

Looking back on these last two years and all I have accomplished (and continue to strive for), it is a reminder that sometimes all it takes is ONE moment to change the trajectory of everything. One decision that says, ‘time to shake things up.” 

Where were you two years ago? Where are you now? Maybe your moment happens today. 

Xo Kim

📸 @jamalamyaphotography
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Hi, I’m Kim!

I am a certified pre/post-natal fitness trainer, Holistic Nutrition Consultant, Doula and Wellness / Life Coach offering support in the Tri-Cities and virtually from the comfort of your home. Get in touch

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