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The (not so secret) Art of Honouring Our Stories

November 22, 2018 By Me2Admin

Like you, I have a story. In fact, we have many stories. A plethora of seemingly small, or sometimes life altering large experiences that make us who we are. Stories that when spoken out loud have the power to connect, to heal and to honour us. So why aren’t we all spilling the beans?

When I took my Doula training back in March, I discovered so many women that were apprehensive to share their experiences – those pleasant or difficult. Since then, I began to see that it wasn’t just those women that weekend, but humanity as a whole. So, when this topic came up in a workshop I recently participated in about empowering motherhood, I was chomping at the bit to delve into it.

How many times have I watched a woman who had a difficult birth story make vague comments, but when given the chance to elaborate, they shift the attention onto someone else. Or a woman that had a wonderful birth experience, keep quiet amongst the other women. Over time and many deep conversations, I have come to learn this… The women that were not sharing their difficult stories were not doing so most of the time, because they didn’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable by being a ‘damper.’ And the women that had pleasant stories didn’t want to share them, worried it would sound like they were gloating or worse — make the other women feel inadequate. So here we are, all too worried about everyone else, that we aren’t sharing at all. We aren’t connecting, celebrating, or grieving – we are just skimming the surface! The more I have talked about this topic, the more I have learned about what I believe to be one of the most important things we can do for one another…

HONOUR every story. Honour the woman in tears that had a c-section when she was planning on a home birth. And, also honour the woman beside her who is sharing how her birth was everything she hoped for. Sometimes we need those around us to support us through our grief. Or, at least respect that we are healing a little bit more every time we talk about it. And sometimes, we need to celebrate when something went our way!

Now, this way of thinking takes some practice, and a lot of self-awareness. It can be difficult at times when someone is spewing positivity to celebrate with them. It so often becomes a competition amongst one another. In addition, when things are not going well in our own life, or perhaps we had a very different experience, we so often hop on the spiteful train and think something on the lines of, “well aren’t you just a lucky duck”, unable to genuinely honour them. But, you see. That isn’t fair. It isn’t fair to the person that deserves a high five, and it is’t fair to you. Because, there will come a time when you have something to celebrate, but if you poo poo’ed all over Susan’s triumph, chances are she won’t want to celebrate your win.

What if instead of projecting our own icky feelings, we honoured one another’s story for what it is? What if, when we were feeling sad, we allowed ourselves to feel it. To share our grief and receive love and support from those we love — instead of worrying about being a party pooper. And, what if when we are stoked about something, we allowed ourselves to celebrate, instead of worrying about coming across arrogant?

Being humble does not mean you need to be quiet. Read that again.

You can be a humble, wonderful, supportive, and vulnerable human being while speaking out and taking up some dang space in this world.

So, if you’re having a crap day and you want to share. I honour you. I’ll give you a hug, send you an awkward selfie, or toss my hands in the air and scorn the world with you. And if you’re having a kick ass day – guess what? I HONOUR YOU. Let’s party!

The cool thing is, this doesn’t have to be just about motherhood. You can reap the benefits of deep connection and authentic relationships by using this (not so secret) talent, with everyone in your life. I challenge you to try it and watch your relationships evolve — especially the relationship with yourself. The more you honour others, the more you begin to honour yourself. So, “sayonara” self-deprecation and “hello” self-love!

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We found them on a routine ultrasound – fibroids We found them on a routine ultrasound – fibroids: solid, benign tumors.

Given there was nothing we could do about them during pregnancy, I took the info with a grain of salt (and admittedly, some anxiety) and moved on. By my second pregnancy less than two years later, they had multiplied, grown, and eliminated the chance of a v-bac but baby boy was born via another c-section and I didn’t think about them again until 4 years later when they began to wreak havoc. (I’ll leave you to go ahead and google what they are capable of.) 😉 

These stubborn masses continue to grow in both size and number until menopause. At the age of 34, that was daunting to hear. Even more so, there is no medication available and only two procedures to treat them – an ablation or hysterectomy. An ablation leaves your uterus intact but offers temporary results with most fibroids returning in the years to come. Given we are done having children, it felt like a straightforward choice.

Hysterectomy it is.

Cue all the feelings, but perhaps what caught me off guard most was the attachment I felt to this organ. There is a source of femininity that derives from our womb and the thoughts of how I may feel after this is removed from my body have been interesting to sift through. 

After my c-sections, the mere act of lifting myself off the couch was difficult. The way our core supports the entirety of our body does not evade me. Will this  elective surgery have a similar recovery? 🥴

My second c-section had its trials when I didn’t respond to the medication well and I felt more than I should have. It took me almost 2 years to be able talk about the experience without having a full-on trauma response. 

But, I have healed. I have done the work to get to this balanced and strong place I find myself in now and I have to remind myself daily that I have a firmer foundation now than I did years ago. I am not the same woman who rolled into that operating room in 2015.

I can say with confidence that I will get through this and use it to do good in the world. I will dig deep and allow it to grow me in ways I haven’t yet ventured through.

So see ya later uterus, let’s see who I am without you. ✌🏻
Do you feel like some things feel harder for you t Do you feel like some things feel harder for you than for others?

It’s probably because they are! 

Oh my goodness, how often do we find ourselves comparing one another? We look at the way someone else is living and think, “they make it look so easy.” The truth is, we all have the opportunity to maximize our odds, and it doesn’t look like trying to be the best at something because it’s trendy. It is about finding the right field for YOU. 

Pick the right habits for YOU and progress is going to feel a heck of a lot easier. Pick the wrong habits and life will feel like a struggle. 

Want to be physically active? Great! Find a means that’s most enjoyable. If you hate running, don’t do it! Find habits that feel pleasurable (or at least ones you don’t hate.) 

The truth is we are all born with a makeup of genes that we cannot change. What comes easy to me, may feel hard for you and vice versa. 

Habits are so much easier when they align with our natural abilities. Find something that favours your strengths or create your own way that is specific to you. 

Genes do not diminish the need for hard work, they make it crystal clear. They are what tell us what and where to place our efforts. 

I love leading others, I’ve been this way since I came out of the womb. It feels easy and fun to me to speak to big groups or have intimate 1:1 conversations. Going deep doesn’t feel like a chore, it feels like a thrill. So I began a career where I can use and grow in those skills and it doesn’t feel like work! I love to lift weights and run in the woods but cycling feels like a chore. I’ll never enjoy it you won’t be seeing me compete in Tour De France any time soon. I love to write but reading takes more discipline. The list goes on. 

I love this example from the book Atomic Habits:

“Boiling water will soften a potato but harden an egg. You can’t control whether you’re a potato or an egg, but you can decide to play a game where it’s better to be hard or soft.”

What’s something you’re good at and feels easy/pleasurable and what’s something you don’t enjoy that feels hard? 👇🏻

📸 @jamalamyaphotography
Two years ago I was lounging in my backyard sippin Two years ago I was lounging in my backyard sipping beer while I waited for the ‘two week lockdown’ to lift. 

It didnt take long for me to understand that this foreign way of life may be here to stay longer than expected and so, I started to reevaluate things. Sitting around sipping IPA got old quick, and I decided that it was time to find some coping mechanisms that were healthier for both body and mind. 

I decided to get brutally honest with myself about the life I wanted to live vs. the life I was actually living based on the habits I was (and was not) practicing. I began to recognize that who I felt I was meant to be deep deep down in my soul, was going to take some work and I was ready to get uncomfortable. 

I started to exercise every morning, eat a little cleaner, drink a little less. These changes sparked something in me — the motivation to really shake things up. 

They were the catalysts. 

I dove all in. 

I made physical exercise a non-negotiable, ate food that nourished me, submersed myself into accountability amongst like-minded women and connected consistently with friends that lit me up. I wrote, read good books, leaned into my faith, went to therapy and finally gave myself permission to build the life I was called to live. 

As I established this foundation of a new normal, I watched my life begin to change. I watched as everything around me felt more joyful. I became a better wife, mother, friend and family member. I went back to school and grew my business which now enables me to serve other women on their own journey. The ‘snowball effect’ is the real deal. 

Looking back on these last two years and all I have accomplished (and continue to strive for), it is a reminder that sometimes all it takes is ONE moment to change the trajectory of everything. One decision that says, ‘time to shake things up.” 

Where were you two years ago? Where are you now? Maybe your moment happens today. 

Xo Kim

📸 @jamalamyaphotography
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Hi, I’m Kim!

I am a certified pre/post-natal fitness trainer, Holistic Nutrition Consultant, Doula and Wellness / Life Coach offering support in the Tri-Cities and virtually from the comfort of your home. Get in touch

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