• Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Phone

Read my latest blog post here.

Me2You Wellness

Postpartum Doula & Certified Fitness Trainer Offering Support in the Tri-Cities

  • Home
  • Services
  • Packages & Pricing
  • Blog
  • About Me
  • Contact

The Metamorphosis that is Motherhood

November 21, 2019 By Me2Admin

… and the biggest piece of advice I have for all new mothers. 

Motherhood — it can break you, tear your heart open, and then build you all over again from the ground up — the person you were before someone you no longer know so well.

Each journey into motherhood is different, depending on a number of things. How you were raised, your personal life, your friendships, the demeanour of you baby and how much you sleep, to name a few. But no matter who you are or where you come from, I have no doubt that since you welcomed your bundle of joy into the world, you have probably struggled with your identity at one time or another — who you were before just a teeny tiny flame and who you are becoming, erupting like a volcano. You can try stumbling through this new identity alone, many of us do in this society. But, if there is one little bit of wisdom I can pass along, it is this. Find your people. Your pour your heart out, hold you while you’re rocking back and forth in tears, kind of people. Because, you will crash and burn while on this journey. Maybe once, maybe a few times, or maybe every day depending on how sleep deprived you are, and without your people, you simply will not thrive.

I plummeted into the depths of motherhood in the spring of 2018. A seemingly strange time perhaps, given that my daughter was 2.5 and my son had just turned one. Why did it take me so long, you may be thinking. I wondered the same thing at the time, until I finally figured out that it was probably because I was finally getting more than two consecutive hours of sleep a night for the first time in fourteen months.  I couldn’t explain what was happening to me, but I felt this momentous shift. I felt like I was suddenly peeled open and my heart was laying in the palm of my hands.

My first year with my second born was something else. I got pregnant with my son when Vi was just eight months old. I was barely dipping my toes into the waters of motherhood, while simulataneously welcoming another baby into the mix. There I was with two young children just a mere 18 months apart — a deer in the headlights.

It was both the busiest, most exhausting job I had ever done, but yet, so very isolating. I spent countless hours in the basement with my baby boy strapped into the ergo, trying to keep him quiet (which was difficult as he was a very fussy baby), so that my toddler could nap. It was in the depths of my home that I began to delve into the realization that I wasn’t the same person I was just a mere three years ago. How could I be?

I began assessing my life, the people that had come gone, and things I had been through. I felt like my whole life was bubbling over the surface and I didn’t know who to turn to. One of my closest friends had gone back to work after her maternity leave and I spent the majority of my time at home, alone, talking to instagram. I didn’t see it then, but I was deeply yearning for connection. I was searching for who I was before I had kids, surely she must still be in there?! I found myself daydreaming about my life before children and how easy those days now seemed — which then lead to guilt because I thought that made me unappreciative. I have learned since these guilt-stricken days, that this is not the case. You can sigh over your life before children and love being a mother, all at the same time. Before you begin to build this new life and let go of the one before children, you may find yourself in a season I like to call the “in-between.”

Amongst the cherry blossoms and longer sunnier days, I was firmly planted in this season. I was tired. So very tired. I was alone most of my days with no local family to lean on and too full of pride to ask for help. With my Dad in the middle of a cancer battle, I felt like I couldn’t possibly express my ‘trivial’ struggles. How selfish could I possibly be to not be a pillar of strength for my family? Old friendships, the ones I would have turned to in the past, were slipping away as we entered different seasons of our lives, and I didn’t know who to turn to. My husband who has always been wonderfully entangled in my life, right there when I need him, was still there, but I yearned for something that only sisterhood could offer.

I broke. I fell into a million pieces right into the arms of my husband on a Saturday evening, debilitated by anxiety and shame. It was that night as I lay in bed, my own arms wrapped around myself like a straight jacket, that I knew something had to give. So, I made the decision to surrender. I mean truly surrender, to this new life and build again from a foundation based on different priorities. Over the span of a few months, with profound intention, I found myself amongst a handful of mothers in my community. I began to spend time with these women and in the midst of all the chaos, a few of them began to grow into deep friendships. It is in these few friendships that I lay my soul.

So, when new or soon to be moms ask me what they should do to best prepare for motherhood — my advice isn’t to stock up on onesies or bottles — it is to make sure that if she doesn’t have a community already, to build one. We are not meant to go at this alone. We are genetically wired for relationships and connection. If I can carry anything out of the depths of those tiresome afternoons in my basement, it is that motherhood is so much sweeter (and sane) when you venture through it alongside other women. Find your people… you’re going to need them.

 

Comments

  1. 1

    Katie says

    November 21, 2019 at 2:57 pm

    Your advice makes so much sense. Thanks for sharing. It is so helpful to know I am not the only one who has felt like this.

    • 2

      Me2Admin says

      February 23, 2021 at 8:46 pm

      Solidarity mama!

  2. 3

    Dominique says

    November 21, 2019 at 7:51 pm

    So grateful for this blog post 💗 it’s so honest and 100% relatable. I’m currently facing this struggle big time. It’s intimidating and tough meeting/making decent friends to build your tribe.

    • 4

      Me2Admin says

      February 23, 2021 at 8:46 pm

      I’m so glad this resonated mama!

Latest Posts

  • Inward and Onward
  • The Metamorphosis that is Motherhood
  • The Power of Perspective
  • Chocolate Peanut Butter Banana Power Smoothie
  • Navigating The Social Media Platform

Tags

bottle feeding breastfeeding c-section cancer doula family feeding baby firsts first time mom fitlife foodlife friendship journey momlife motherhood my life parenting postpartum real life self growth survivor
Mostly, I work with women but once a week this fel Mostly, I work with women but once a week this fella Todd rolls in and just inspires the heck out of me. He was born with #cysticfibrosis and the prognosis wasn’t good. But here he is in his 40’s working through the storm and showing up so he can feel his best. 

I hope his story lights you up. ✨ We all have the power to choose how we venture through things. It’s a journey friends. You’ve got this. 

Thankful for clients who remind me of why I love what I do so much. 🫶🏻

#cysticfibrosisawareness #trxworkout
Today was for content 🎥! Every time I’m in Today was for content 🎥! 

Every time I’m in front of the camera I am overwhelmed by gratitude that this is my job. I get to move my body while helping others do the same. 

If you need accountability and community, we gotchu here @bodyzonefitness_consulting - peep (www.bodyzonefitness.ca) or don’t be shy and slide into my DM’s. 😏
God’s timing is always impeccable. ✨ Truly. God’s timing is always impeccable. ✨ 

Truly. When I tell the story of how I started with @lisapineda.fitness at @bodyzonefitness_consulting I still get goosies. 

I had seen this babe outside of my house for years. Okay that sounds a bit creepy but let me explain. 😜 

I often saw Lisa training clients outdoors literally outside of my house on the sidewalk or at the park. I always felt drawn to her energy and thought, “damn, she seems like such a badass.” Then, I see that our kids go to the same school. So naturally, being awkward like I am, I’d smile and wave here n’ there even though she didn’t know me from Adam. 😆 

Fast forward — it’s June 2022 and I’ve made it up the hill to drop the kids at school for the first time since my surgery a couple weeks prior. As I’m slowly making my way home, this beautiful blonde bombshell I’ve been creeping on for years walks up to me and asks me if I’m looking for clients. Huh? You know who I am? (Thank you Instagram). We get to talking and connect the dots of how intertwined our lives are. The next day I’m in her studio and we are talking business. A week later I’m training clients of hers while she’s away. 

So many beautiful things lined up to make this connection possible. The education I had submersed myself into over the last few years, the work I’ve put into personal growth and my business and ultimately, the decision to take a last minute opening to do my surgery a month sooner than expected. If I hadn’t, I would have been going into a major hysterectomy surgery that very week she asked me to team up with her. I would have had to say no, and she would have found someone else. But I believe with my whole heart that we were made to connect, on that very day, at that very time. 

Now we are creating magic together and I’m so dang thankful to do life with her. 

Keep doing the work. Keep showing up — and the doors will open when they are meant to. 🫶🏻
Load More… Follow on Instagram
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Phone

Hi, I’m Kim!

I am a certified pre/post-natal fitness trainer, Holistic Nutrition Consultant, Doula and Wellness / Life Coach offering support in the Tri-Cities and virtually from the comfort of your home. Get in touch

  • About
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Phone

Copyright © 2023 KIMBERLEY HAYDEN · made with love and caffeine by Jacaranda.