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Postpartum Doula & Certified Fitness Trainer Offering Support in the Tri-Cities

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Navigating The Social Media Platform

December 11, 2018 By Me2Admin

My journey through sharing personal topics on social media and learning one of life’s biggest lessons. 

I have a tendency of pointing my iphone at my face and talking about everything. From silly things that I get a kick out of, to topics that carry some weight and tend to make some people feel a little uncomfortable. You may be thinking “why on earth would I want to do this?” So, let me dive right in.

We live in a social media world. It is a part of our generation and I think we could all agree that it’s probably not going anywhere, anytime soon. Over the years, I have watched and participated in the sharing of all things awesome — like how fabulous that summer wedding was in the Okanagan. All that is good and fine and I enjoy those posts just as much as the next person. But one day, while bouncing my newborn baby to sleep, so tired I was barely able to stand, I felt the urge to put something raw and real out into the world. And so, my real life commentary began.

As I continued to share the rawness of Motherhood, I started to tap into sharing other aspects of my life. As I did this, I watched amazing things begin to happen amongst myself and amongst others. Healing. Acceptance. Understanding. Camaraderie. Empathy. Self-awareness. Strength. Love.

So, in February of 2018 when the ten-year commemoration of a friends passing came around, I found myself more open to address feelings than ever before. It was at this time, that something in me ignited. I’m not sure I can put it into words, but I’m going to try.

In the span of ten years, a lot changes. Here I was, having recently turned 30 and been through one of the most challenging years of my life. My second baby was just about to turn one and I’ll admit, I was very sleep deprived and emotional to begin with. All you Mama’s out there, I know you feel me! Anyways, I was reflecting on the last decade and realizing that while so much had changed, there was something about being 20 years old that had stood still — her. I could still so clearly imagine her face — her laugh ringing loudly in my ears and although she was no longer here, I felt like she had been with me through it all.

So, I began to talk. I thought that perhaps, my vulnerability may be a beacon of strength to help propel healing for anyone who had burdens in their heart. But, I was not prepared. I had never tread through this water before and being a person that steps forward with her heart first, I don’t always think things through. And so, came the turning point of 2018. A time full of reflection, growth and a few (okay many) tears. While difficult at the time, I am able to see now, that there is nothing like a tough situation to help you transition into a different season of your life. This transition however, does not come without its challenges. You are forced to look at all aspects of yourself. The fact that (at the time), I looked for validation from others rang true, when after a friend voiced her disapproval of my version of the Oprah Show — I went on an ‘opinion tour’ trying to feel out a diverse handful of people. Surely this would make me feel better?! But, [insert sighing gif] this was just gasoline on the fire. The consensus however, was no surprise — split. Ah… and so we come to one of the biggest lessons in life — there is no such thing as universal agreement. If you are going to put yourself out there, you have no choice but to accept this.

Regardless of the ‘consensus’, this self-proclaimed people pleaser (Hi!) had really upset a handful of people. I apologized, and apologized, and texted, and called, and apologized, explained myself 50 times and texted again. After a week of spinning myself out, feeling like everyone was surely going to hate me forever, I crashed and burned. I broke down in tears with my Mom and my husband and they spent the majority of a Saturday night helping me pick up the pieces. Thank goodness for family who passes up Netflix and popcorn for a real life version of “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest!”

Something I realized during my family intervention, was the weight I put on what people think of me. This may sound privileged, but I grew up in a small town, where I knew a lot of people and I like to think I was well liked. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I know my name has probably been tossed around at a hen party a time or two, but not about anything that really mattered. This was different. This was heavy stuff. Knowing that I had made people upset and that they didn’t understand my heart was hard for me. I was worried that all of these people that liked me, may not like me anymore. [Fast forward to current day — I am okay with that. Fine… because well, honesty. I am working on being okay with that.]

And so, in an attempt to continue doing what feels right while not burdening myself with anxiety — I needed to figure out what content would live on what platform and how deep I was comfortable going. Furthermore, I learned that I needed to do some work on myself. I needed to turn my thoughts inward and figure out how to stop searching for love and acceptance from others and instead grant that to myself. Could you imagine forgiving yourself when you stumble? Showing yourself compassion instead of practically begging for it from those around you? Magical.

One absolutely positive thing I take away from the entire fiasco, is where it directed me and the connections I have made. I have had deep, meaningful conversations, that I believe have impacted lives and sparked growth and healing. If what I put out there helps just one person get through something difficult, makes them giggle when they are having a tough day, or gives them something to relate to so they don’t feel alone, then maybe it’s worth ruffling a few feathers.

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We found them on a routine ultrasound – fibroids We found them on a routine ultrasound – fibroids: solid, benign tumors.

Given there was nothing we could do about them during pregnancy, I took the info with a grain of salt (and admittedly, some anxiety) and moved on. By my second pregnancy less than two years later, they had multiplied, grown, and eliminated the chance of a v-bac but baby boy was born via another c-section and I didn’t think about them again until 4 years later when they began to wreak havoc. (I’ll leave you to go ahead and google what they are capable of.) 😉 

These stubborn masses continue to grow in both size and number until menopause. At the age of 34, that was daunting to hear. Even more so, there is no medication available and only two procedures to treat them – an ablation or hysterectomy. An ablation leaves your uterus intact but offers temporary results with most fibroids returning in the years to come. Given we are done having children, it felt like a straightforward choice.

Hysterectomy it is.

Cue all the feelings, but perhaps what caught me off guard most was the attachment I felt to this organ. There is a source of femininity that derives from our womb and the thoughts of how I may feel after this is removed from my body have been interesting to sift through. 

After my c-sections, the mere act of lifting myself off the couch was difficult. The way our core supports the entirety of our body does not evade me. Will this  elective surgery have a similar recovery? 🥴

My second c-section had its trials when I didn’t respond to the medication well and I felt more than I should have. It took me almost 2 years to be able talk about the experience without having a full-on trauma response. 

But, I have healed. I have done the work to get to this balanced and strong place I find myself in now and I have to remind myself daily that I have a firmer foundation now than I did years ago. I am not the same woman who rolled into that operating room in 2015.

I can say with confidence that I will get through this and use it to do good in the world. I will dig deep and allow it to grow me in ways I haven’t yet ventured through.

So see ya later uterus, let’s see who I am without you. ✌🏻
Do you feel like some things feel harder for you t Do you feel like some things feel harder for you than for others?

It’s probably because they are! 

Oh my goodness, how often do we find ourselves comparing one another? We look at the way someone else is living and think, “they make it look so easy.” The truth is, we all have the opportunity to maximize our odds, and it doesn’t look like trying to be the best at something because it’s trendy. It is about finding the right field for YOU. 

Pick the right habits for YOU and progress is going to feel a heck of a lot easier. Pick the wrong habits and life will feel like a struggle. 

Want to be physically active? Great! Find a means that’s most enjoyable. If you hate running, don’t do it! Find habits that feel pleasurable (or at least ones you don’t hate.) 

The truth is we are all born with a makeup of genes that we cannot change. What comes easy to me, may feel hard for you and vice versa. 

Habits are so much easier when they align with our natural abilities. Find something that favours your strengths or create your own way that is specific to you. 

Genes do not diminish the need for hard work, they make it crystal clear. They are what tell us what and where to place our efforts. 

I love leading others, I’ve been this way since I came out of the womb. It feels easy and fun to me to speak to big groups or have intimate 1:1 conversations. Going deep doesn’t feel like a chore, it feels like a thrill. So I began a career where I can use and grow in those skills and it doesn’t feel like work! I love to lift weights and run in the woods but cycling feels like a chore. I’ll never enjoy it you won’t be seeing me compete in Tour De France any time soon. I love to write but reading takes more discipline. The list goes on. 

I love this example from the book Atomic Habits:

“Boiling water will soften a potato but harden an egg. You can’t control whether you’re a potato or an egg, but you can decide to play a game where it’s better to be hard or soft.”

What’s something you’re good at and feels easy/pleasurable and what’s something you don’t enjoy that feels hard? 👇🏻

📸 @jamalamyaphotography
Two years ago I was lounging in my backyard sippin Two years ago I was lounging in my backyard sipping beer while I waited for the ‘two week lockdown’ to lift. 

It didnt take long for me to understand that this foreign way of life may be here to stay longer than expected and so, I started to reevaluate things. Sitting around sipping IPA got old quick, and I decided that it was time to find some coping mechanisms that were healthier for both body and mind. 

I decided to get brutally honest with myself about the life I wanted to live vs. the life I was actually living based on the habits I was (and was not) practicing. I began to recognize that who I felt I was meant to be deep deep down in my soul, was going to take some work and I was ready to get uncomfortable. 

I started to exercise every morning, eat a little cleaner, drink a little less. These changes sparked something in me — the motivation to really shake things up. 

They were the catalysts. 

I dove all in. 

I made physical exercise a non-negotiable, ate food that nourished me, submersed myself into accountability amongst like-minded women and connected consistently with friends that lit me up. I wrote, read good books, leaned into my faith, went to therapy and finally gave myself permission to build the life I was called to live. 

As I established this foundation of a new normal, I watched my life begin to change. I watched as everything around me felt more joyful. I became a better wife, mother, friend and family member. I went back to school and grew my business which now enables me to serve other women on their own journey. The ‘snowball effect’ is the real deal. 

Looking back on these last two years and all I have accomplished (and continue to strive for), it is a reminder that sometimes all it takes is ONE moment to change the trajectory of everything. One decision that says, ‘time to shake things up.” 

Where were you two years ago? Where are you now? Maybe your moment happens today. 

Xo Kim

📸 @jamalamyaphotography
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Hi, I’m Kim!

I am a certified pre/post-natal fitness trainer, Holistic Nutrition Consultant, Doula and Wellness / Life Coach offering support in the Tri-Cities and virtually from the comfort of your home. Get in touch

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