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Postpartum Doula & Certified Fitness Trainer Offering Support in the Tri-Cities

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Inward and Onward

November 28, 2019 By Me2Admin

“Learn from yesterday, live for today.” – Albert Einstein

When I finally emerged from that first year fog with baby number two and I was able to actually carry on an adult conversation with my mama friends, I realized that many of them were focused around our own childhoods and adolescence. We talked about how we were raised, our best times and some difficult ones. What we loved about our family and what drove us crazy. We talked about great loves and some even greater losses. We laughed out loud and sometimes cried. But ultimately, we were helping each other work through some of the tough stuff about our childhood, or ourselves, that we hadn’t let into the forefronts of our minds until we became mothers. There is something about raising little people that evokes a desire to look inwards; to learn from the past and model for them the best version of yourself.

In the summer of 2018, my first born was almost three years old and starting to become her own little person. She had feelings (big feelings) and the foundation of her personality was forming. She was very much her own person while simultaneously acquiring some of my personality traits. That’s when the obvious hit me – raising kids is a big deal. Why did no one tell me about how much personal growth happens when you enter this season? Before children, you think you have it all figured out. You are an adult and who you are now, is who you will be forever. [Insert arms crossed and nose snubbed up emoji here.] But in the midst of raising children, when you are pushed to your absolute limits and severly sleep deprived, while simultaneously overflowing with a love you didn’t know existed — you begin to grow up all over again.

So on this sticky summer day, I realized that if my children were going to model my behaviour, then I wanted to be sure that I was showing them the best version of me possible. I realized that in order to do this, I had to dissect why I was the way I was – the good and the not so good. I would have to work to be completely self-aware so that I could shamelessly accept my shortcomings and try to become better with every passing day. If at the very least, I demonstrated to them the ability to evolve and grow, then I promised myself that I would deem myself a successful parent.

Without even realizing it, I learned that this begins with going back. I know the saying, “don’t look backward, only look forward”, but sometimes you need to dabble in the past to be able to move forward with a content heart. A content heart. Sure, we can all move forward without looking back, but perhaps not without burdens weighing on us. Now, I’m not saying let’s dwell and wallow in what has come and gone, but instead, try to understand how our past experiences have formed us into the person we are. What personality traits do we want to nurture and protect vs. what we want to change? I believe, that when you become a parent, this bestows itself upon you without permission. How can I be a better version of the person I have been for 30 years now that I have two little people watching me?

I turned inwards. The deeper I delved within myself, the more I discovered. One thing in particular that I didn’t even know I was searching for —  acceptance. Acceptance of myself and of others. I realized that I needed to accept all of who I was, instead of improvising to please others. I made mental (and written) notes of some of my areas destined for growth and decided to include them on the roster of things to work on. On the other side of the coin,  I also began to celebrate my wins and give myself a little more credit for who my children were becoming.  I began to love and accept people for who they were, while also setting my own boundaries. Instead of trying to change people with the rarely welcome unsolicited advice, I began loving on them. I mean, really seriously caring for them and wishing them well in this world whether it be in my life, or not.

As I began to forgive others and myself for any short comings, slip ups, quarrels, or downright meltdowns, I felt the weight I had carried around for so long slip off of my shoulders like a shawl. We need to give grace – both within and to those around us. Some days I falter, circle back, regroup, and go at it again; promising myself to never stay stagnant. A constant work in progress. Motherhood changes you… in the best possible way. It is so much more than just raising children — it is raising yourself.

 

 

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bottle feeding breastfeeding c-section cancer doula family feeding baby firsts first time mom fitlife foodlife friendship journey momlife motherhood my life parenting postpartum real life self growth survivor
“I’ll do it later.” Famous words by... me! “I’ll do it later.”

Famous words by... me! Ha! I am so guilty of shelving the things that I find the least exciting. Tax season? Worst! 

The problem with doing this is that these tasks don’t just go away and whether we realize it or not, they weigh us down. We can keep working on the things we love but if we don’t take care of the ‘housekeeping’ items, we get held back. 

So write a list of all those little annoying tasks/errands that need to be done and start check them off! ✔️ 

📸 @jamalamyaphotography
Where my ‘super feelers’ at? 🙋🏼‍♀️ Where my ‘super feelers’ at? 🙋🏼‍♀️

When I was a teenager, I used to go to parties (sorry mom) and have a blast. Except I would leave feeling heavy and emotionally exhausted. I had a tendency to open myself up to all of the vibes in the room and carry them with me when I left. Of course I didn’t understand what was happening until adulthood but it’s so very clear now. 

I am an empath. Through and through. 

Toss me into a room and I’ll feel allllllll of the highs and lows bouncing around. It is both my superpower and my greatest challenge. I’ve had to work hard at setting up boundaries and being aware of what I let in and how I carry it as I tend to carry the weight of the world on my 5,2” shoulders. I want everyone to be happy and to feel seen — for all the icky vibes to diminish leaving only good ones in their wake. 

But this is not reality. Life is not always peachy and so I’m constantly working at being okay if everything is not so ‘okay’ — allowing things to flow and heal in their own time. Allowing people to feel what they need to feel and not carrying the weight of it all into my personal life. It’s still a work in progress. Ha! 😅

I thank motherhood once again for helping me learn these things about myself and be willing to dive in and grow. 

What’s your super power? How does it serve you and how does it challenge you? 

📸 @jamalamyaphotography
Do you ever feel like this is what shows on the ou Do you ever feel like this is what shows on the outside but what’s happening in the inside on a little more like: 😭🤯😜😅😎

This week has had a heaviness to it. So many conversations with friends have reiterated that. One minute I feel pretty good about things and the next I feel like I just need a good cry to release it all. Should I send this to my counsellor today before our session to prepare her? 😆 

But for real. I’m feeling like this platform needs some positivity and vulnerability so there it is. It’s okay if you’re having a hard time right now and it’s okay if your feelings are all over the place. You’re in good company. ✌🏻

Drop a few words below for where you’re at right now. 🤍

📸 @jamalamyaphotography
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Hi, I’m Kim!

I am a certified pre/post-natal fitness trainer, Holistic Nutrition Consultant, Doula and Wellness / Life Coach offering support in the Tri-Cities and virtually from the comfort of your home. Get in touch

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