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Postpartum Doula & Certified Fitness Trainer Offering Support in the Tri-Cities

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Inward and Onward

November 28, 2019 By Me2Admin

“Learn from yesterday, live for today.” – Albert Einstein

When I finally emerged from that first year fog with baby number two and I was able to actually carry on an adult conversation with my mama friends, I realized that many of them were focused around our own childhoods and adolescence. We talked about how we were raised, our best times and some difficult ones. What we loved about our family and what drove us crazy. We talked about great loves and some even greater losses. We laughed out loud and sometimes cried. But ultimately, we were helping each other work through some of the tough stuff about our childhood, or ourselves, that we hadn’t let into the forefronts of our minds until we became mothers. There is something about raising little people that evokes a desire to look inwards; to learn from the past and model for them the best version of yourself.

In the summer of 2018, my first born was almost three years old and starting to become her own little person. She had feelings (big feelings) and the foundation of her personality was forming. She was very much her own person while simultaneously acquiring some of my personality traits. That’s when the obvious hit me – raising kids is a big deal. Why did no one tell me about how much personal growth happens when you enter this season? Before children, you think you have it all figured out. You are an adult and who you are now, is who you will be forever. [Insert arms crossed and nose snubbed up emoji here.] But in the midst of raising children, when you are pushed to your absolute limits and severly sleep deprived, while simultaneously overflowing with a love you didn’t know existed — you begin to grow up all over again.

So on this sticky summer day, I realized that if my children were going to model my behaviour, then I wanted to be sure that I was showing them the best version of me possible. I realized that in order to do this, I had to dissect why I was the way I was – the good and the not so good. I would have to work to be completely self-aware so that I could shamelessly accept my shortcomings and try to become better with every passing day. If at the very least, I demonstrated to them the ability to evolve and grow, then I promised myself that I would deem myself a successful parent.

Without even realizing it, I learned that this begins with going back. I know the saying, “don’t look backward, only look forward”, but sometimes you need to dabble in the past to be able to move forward with a content heart. A content heart. Sure, we can all move forward without looking back, but perhaps not without burdens weighing on us. Now, I’m not saying let’s dwell and wallow in what has come and gone, but instead, try to understand how our past experiences have formed us into the person we are. What personality traits do we want to nurture and protect vs. what we want to change? I believe, that when you become a parent, this bestows itself upon you without permission. How can I be a better version of the person I have been for 30 years now that I have two little people watching me?

I turned inwards. The deeper I delved within myself, the more I discovered. One thing in particular that I didn’t even know I was searching for —  acceptance. Acceptance of myself and of others. I realized that I needed to accept all of who I was, instead of improvising to please others. I made mental (and written) notes of some of my areas destined for growth and decided to include them on the roster of things to work on. On the other side of the coin,  I also began to celebrate my wins and give myself a little more credit for who my children were becoming.  I began to love and accept people for who they were, while also setting my own boundaries. Instead of trying to change people with the rarely welcome unsolicited advice, I began loving on them. I mean, really seriously caring for them and wishing them well in this world whether it be in my life, or not.

As I began to forgive others and myself for any short comings, slip ups, quarrels, or downright meltdowns, I felt the weight I had carried around for so long slip off of my shoulders like a shawl. We need to give grace – both within and to those around us. Some days I falter, circle back, regroup, and go at it again; promising myself to never stay stagnant. A constant work in progress. Motherhood changes you… in the best possible way. It is so much more than just raising children — it is raising yourself.

 

 

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We found them on a routine ultrasound – fibroids We found them on a routine ultrasound – fibroids: solid, benign tumors.

Given there was nothing we could do about them during pregnancy, I took the info with a grain of salt (and admittedly, some anxiety) and moved on. By my second pregnancy less than two years later, they had multiplied, grown, and eliminated the chance of a v-bac but baby boy was born via another c-section and I didn’t think about them again until 4 years later when they began to wreak havoc. (I’ll leave you to go ahead and google what they are capable of.) 😉 

These stubborn masses continue to grow in both size and number until menopause. At the age of 34, that was daunting to hear. Even more so, there is no medication available and only two procedures to treat them – an ablation or hysterectomy. An ablation leaves your uterus intact but offers temporary results with most fibroids returning in the years to come. Given we are done having children, it felt like a straightforward choice.

Hysterectomy it is.

Cue all the feelings, but perhaps what caught me off guard most was the attachment I felt to this organ. There is a source of femininity that derives from our womb and the thoughts of how I may feel after this is removed from my body have been interesting to sift through. 

After my c-sections, the mere act of lifting myself off the couch was difficult. The way our core supports the entirety of our body does not evade me. Will this  elective surgery have a similar recovery? 🥴

My second c-section had its trials when I didn’t respond to the medication well and I felt more than I should have. It took me almost 2 years to be able talk about the experience without having a full-on trauma response. 

But, I have healed. I have done the work to get to this balanced and strong place I find myself in now and I have to remind myself daily that I have a firmer foundation now than I did years ago. I am not the same woman who rolled into that operating room in 2015.

I can say with confidence that I will get through this and use it to do good in the world. I will dig deep and allow it to grow me in ways I haven’t yet ventured through.

So see ya later uterus, let’s see who I am without you. ✌🏻
Do you feel like some things feel harder for you t Do you feel like some things feel harder for you than for others?

It’s probably because they are! 

Oh my goodness, how often do we find ourselves comparing one another? We look at the way someone else is living and think, “they make it look so easy.” The truth is, we all have the opportunity to maximize our odds, and it doesn’t look like trying to be the best at something because it’s trendy. It is about finding the right field for YOU. 

Pick the right habits for YOU and progress is going to feel a heck of a lot easier. Pick the wrong habits and life will feel like a struggle. 

Want to be physically active? Great! Find a means that’s most enjoyable. If you hate running, don’t do it! Find habits that feel pleasurable (or at least ones you don’t hate.) 

The truth is we are all born with a makeup of genes that we cannot change. What comes easy to me, may feel hard for you and vice versa. 

Habits are so much easier when they align with our natural abilities. Find something that favours your strengths or create your own way that is specific to you. 

Genes do not diminish the need for hard work, they make it crystal clear. They are what tell us what and where to place our efforts. 

I love leading others, I’ve been this way since I came out of the womb. It feels easy and fun to me to speak to big groups or have intimate 1:1 conversations. Going deep doesn’t feel like a chore, it feels like a thrill. So I began a career where I can use and grow in those skills and it doesn’t feel like work! I love to lift weights and run in the woods but cycling feels like a chore. I’ll never enjoy it you won’t be seeing me compete in Tour De France any time soon. I love to write but reading takes more discipline. The list goes on. 

I love this example from the book Atomic Habits:

“Boiling water will soften a potato but harden an egg. You can’t control whether you’re a potato or an egg, but you can decide to play a game where it’s better to be hard or soft.”

What’s something you’re good at and feels easy/pleasurable and what’s something you don’t enjoy that feels hard? 👇🏻

📸 @jamalamyaphotography
Two years ago I was lounging in my backyard sippin Two years ago I was lounging in my backyard sipping beer while I waited for the ‘two week lockdown’ to lift. 

It didnt take long for me to understand that this foreign way of life may be here to stay longer than expected and so, I started to reevaluate things. Sitting around sipping IPA got old quick, and I decided that it was time to find some coping mechanisms that were healthier for both body and mind. 

I decided to get brutally honest with myself about the life I wanted to live vs. the life I was actually living based on the habits I was (and was not) practicing. I began to recognize that who I felt I was meant to be deep deep down in my soul, was going to take some work and I was ready to get uncomfortable. 

I started to exercise every morning, eat a little cleaner, drink a little less. These changes sparked something in me — the motivation to really shake things up. 

They were the catalysts. 

I dove all in. 

I made physical exercise a non-negotiable, ate food that nourished me, submersed myself into accountability amongst like-minded women and connected consistently with friends that lit me up. I wrote, read good books, leaned into my faith, went to therapy and finally gave myself permission to build the life I was called to live. 

As I established this foundation of a new normal, I watched my life begin to change. I watched as everything around me felt more joyful. I became a better wife, mother, friend and family member. I went back to school and grew my business which now enables me to serve other women on their own journey. The ‘snowball effect’ is the real deal. 

Looking back on these last two years and all I have accomplished (and continue to strive for), it is a reminder that sometimes all it takes is ONE moment to change the trajectory of everything. One decision that says, ‘time to shake things up.” 

Where were you two years ago? Where are you now? Maybe your moment happens today. 

Xo Kim

📸 @jamalamyaphotography
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Hi, I’m Kim!

I am a certified pre/post-natal fitness trainer, Holistic Nutrition Consultant, Doula and Wellness / Life Coach offering support in the Tri-Cities and virtually from the comfort of your home. Get in touch

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