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Postpartum Doula & Certified Fitness Trainer Offering Support in the Tri-Cities

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From Woman to Mother

October 16, 2018 By Me2Admin

The life changing journey from resisting Motherhood to embracing it.

When you think of who you were before you became a mother, and who you are now, do you feel like they are two completely different people? Do you feel like you are resisting this new identity — trying desperately to hold onto the person that you were before you blessed this earth with a little person?  If you answered “yes” to the above, then I hope you find some solace in the fact that you stand together with so many women. Women that don’t recognize who they are anymore. So who are we now that we are Mothers?

You had a kick ass job, awesome friends that you shared drinks with whenever you pleased, a committed relationship in which you nurtured with all of your energy. You went out to eat at chic little restaurants that served warm olives and flights of wine. Weekend getaways that were put together last minute were the norm, and you always looked forward to catching up on sleep on the weekend.

Fast forward to bringing home baby and being thrown into the 24/7 around the clock task of taking care of a little human. A human. Not a plant, or even a dog, that you can at least crate up when you want to go out for a last minute pedicure. A real living person that needs you — like really needs you — to like, survive. No biggy right? I mean, you always knew you wanted to be a mom, and having this baby was going to make your life finally feel complete. This baby was just going to fit right in and adapt to your awesome lifestyle, and it was all going to be a magical journey from here on out.

Then, motherhood hit you like a freight train. I was a victim of this freight train.

I couldn’t wait to be a mom and the thought of staying home and not going back to work was exciting. What a treat! But, around six months postpartum, the identity crisis began. The questions, “So, what do I do now? Who am I now?” were on an endless loop. I began brainstorming all of the different avenues I could go down. Did we want to try for another baby this early? (spoiler alert: yep!) Did I want to go back to my old job even though I swore I was done there? What about a new career? Was that even an option? Or, do I want to stay home and be “just a mom?”

Looking back, I feel lucky that I had so many options. But, based on many conversations I have had recently, I am learning that even women that always planned on going back to work after their maternity leave, struggle with their identity. How come? Well. Because here’s the thing… when you become a mother, you are forever changed. There is no going back to who you were before. You can fight it — resist it until you are blue in the face. But eventually, you will have to confront it. So, what if instead of resisting, we could embrace this new person we have become with open arms and an open heart? What if we could find strength and empowerment in Motherhood, instead of uncertainty.

This can be a big mountain to begin to make your way up, and so many things play a role. Your family, friends, peers, workplace, and the support you may (or may not) have around you. As a society, we expect women to be able to do it all. To be a kick ass mom that is attentive and meets all of our child’s physical and emotional needs, to have a career, to maintain friendships and relationships, to endure endless opinions, judgement and pressure. Oh, and don’t forget to keep the house up to snuff, AND find time for self care — all while not going insane!

So, what can we start doing to begin this journey to empowerment?

Numero uno. Embrace the new you. Because, it is in fact, a metamorphosis. Challenge yourself to grow into this new identity with each passing day and I assure you, you will begin to embark on a very different journey.

Listen (or don’t) to the endless “advice” and take what you want from it. Perhaps it’s something enlightening, or maybe it’s about as helpful as telling you to crawl into a hole until your baby is old enough to make himself a sandwich. Remind yourself that regardless of what anyone has to say, that you know best — never underestimate the power of your intuition.

Do not allow anyone to downplay motherhood, or your decision to stay at home OR go back to work. Own it. Stand tall and find a way to respond respectfully and powerfully that you are proud. Decided to stay home? Amazing. Decided to go back to work? Also amazing.

Be unapologetic for being present. Sometimes it may take some time to return that phone call. Guess what? This is your life now and you should never apologize for giving your child every ounce of you, if you so please.

Rock that ergo carrier — pretend it is the newest Versace accessory. Strut your leggings 24/7 derrière down the sidewalk with that monstrosity that is the double Bob stroller. You are basically Beyonce, and who doesn’t want to be Queen B?

Lastly, remind yourself you are doing your absolute best. Be compassionate to yourself for what you are doing every moment of every day because, Motherhood is not for the faint of heart. You are everything that baby needs. No matter how tired, frustrated or confused you may feel. You are it. You are enough. You, are a Mother.

 

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We found them on a routine ultrasound – fibroids We found them on a routine ultrasound – fibroids: solid, benign tumors.

Given there was nothing we could do about them during pregnancy, I took the info with a grain of salt (and admittedly, some anxiety) and moved on. By my second pregnancy less than two years later, they had multiplied, grown, and eliminated the chance of a v-bac but baby boy was born via another c-section and I didn’t think about them again until 4 years later when they began to wreak havoc. (I’ll leave you to go ahead and google what they are capable of.) 😉 

These stubborn masses continue to grow in both size and number until menopause. At the age of 34, that was daunting to hear. Even more so, there is no medication available and only two procedures to treat them – an ablation or hysterectomy. An ablation leaves your uterus intact but offers temporary results with most fibroids returning in the years to come. Given we are done having children, it felt like a straightforward choice.

Hysterectomy it is.

Cue all the feelings, but perhaps what caught me off guard most was the attachment I felt to this organ. There is a source of femininity that derives from our womb and the thoughts of how I may feel after this is removed from my body have been interesting to sift through. 

After my c-sections, the mere act of lifting myself off the couch was difficult. The way our core supports the entirety of our body does not evade me. Will this  elective surgery have a similar recovery? 🥴

My second c-section had its trials when I didn’t respond to the medication well and I felt more than I should have. It took me almost 2 years to be able talk about the experience without having a full-on trauma response. 

But, I have healed. I have done the work to get to this balanced and strong place I find myself in now and I have to remind myself daily that I have a firmer foundation now than I did years ago. I am not the same woman who rolled into that operating room in 2015.

I can say with confidence that I will get through this and use it to do good in the world. I will dig deep and allow it to grow me in ways I haven’t yet ventured through.

So see ya later uterus, let’s see who I am without you. ✌🏻
Do you feel like some things feel harder for you t Do you feel like some things feel harder for you than for others?

It’s probably because they are! 

Oh my goodness, how often do we find ourselves comparing one another? We look at the way someone else is living and think, “they make it look so easy.” The truth is, we all have the opportunity to maximize our odds, and it doesn’t look like trying to be the best at something because it’s trendy. It is about finding the right field for YOU. 

Pick the right habits for YOU and progress is going to feel a heck of a lot easier. Pick the wrong habits and life will feel like a struggle. 

Want to be physically active? Great! Find a means that’s most enjoyable. If you hate running, don’t do it! Find habits that feel pleasurable (or at least ones you don’t hate.) 

The truth is we are all born with a makeup of genes that we cannot change. What comes easy to me, may feel hard for you and vice versa. 

Habits are so much easier when they align with our natural abilities. Find something that favours your strengths or create your own way that is specific to you. 

Genes do not diminish the need for hard work, they make it crystal clear. They are what tell us what and where to place our efforts. 

I love leading others, I’ve been this way since I came out of the womb. It feels easy and fun to me to speak to big groups or have intimate 1:1 conversations. Going deep doesn’t feel like a chore, it feels like a thrill. So I began a career where I can use and grow in those skills and it doesn’t feel like work! I love to lift weights and run in the woods but cycling feels like a chore. I’ll never enjoy it you won’t be seeing me compete in Tour De France any time soon. I love to write but reading takes more discipline. The list goes on. 

I love this example from the book Atomic Habits:

“Boiling water will soften a potato but harden an egg. You can’t control whether you’re a potato or an egg, but you can decide to play a game where it’s better to be hard or soft.”

What’s something you’re good at and feels easy/pleasurable and what’s something you don’t enjoy that feels hard? 👇🏻

📸 @jamalamyaphotography
Two years ago I was lounging in my backyard sippin Two years ago I was lounging in my backyard sipping beer while I waited for the ‘two week lockdown’ to lift. 

It didnt take long for me to understand that this foreign way of life may be here to stay longer than expected and so, I started to reevaluate things. Sitting around sipping IPA got old quick, and I decided that it was time to find some coping mechanisms that were healthier for both body and mind. 

I decided to get brutally honest with myself about the life I wanted to live vs. the life I was actually living based on the habits I was (and was not) practicing. I began to recognize that who I felt I was meant to be deep deep down in my soul, was going to take some work and I was ready to get uncomfortable. 

I started to exercise every morning, eat a little cleaner, drink a little less. These changes sparked something in me — the motivation to really shake things up. 

They were the catalysts. 

I dove all in. 

I made physical exercise a non-negotiable, ate food that nourished me, submersed myself into accountability amongst like-minded women and connected consistently with friends that lit me up. I wrote, read good books, leaned into my faith, went to therapy and finally gave myself permission to build the life I was called to live. 

As I established this foundation of a new normal, I watched my life begin to change. I watched as everything around me felt more joyful. I became a better wife, mother, friend and family member. I went back to school and grew my business which now enables me to serve other women on their own journey. The ‘snowball effect’ is the real deal. 

Looking back on these last two years and all I have accomplished (and continue to strive for), it is a reminder that sometimes all it takes is ONE moment to change the trajectory of everything. One decision that says, ‘time to shake things up.” 

Where were you two years ago? Where are you now? Maybe your moment happens today. 

Xo Kim

📸 @jamalamyaphotography
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Hi, I’m Kim!

I am a certified pre/post-natal fitness trainer, Holistic Nutrition Consultant, Doula and Wellness / Life Coach offering support in the Tri-Cities and virtually from the comfort of your home. Get in touch

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