Embracing those that you can fall into and the power of connection.
If you are a Mother, you have probably heard the term “find your tribe.” But, I like to refer to a different saying for anyone that is well, a person. We all need to find our people. And, whenever I think of this, for some reason, I think of arms wide open, falling into a body of water. Maybe that is because finding these people is so much more than just finding a few friends. It is finding a place that is deep and unceasing. A place that you can fall into and go beneath the surface — yet where you always stay afloat. So from one human being to another, find your ocean…
What does that even mean, people to “fall into?” Well, to me, it means the people you celebrate joy with, endure sadness with, and everything in between the two. They are the people you do life with. And I am talking, really do life with. The people with whom you can be completely yourself — raw, real and unapologetic. You do not need to sensor what you feel, or who you are. You do not walk on eggshells, or avoid what you really want to say outloud. You share your hopes and dreams, goals and aspirations, doubts and fears. They love you through and through and are there for you when others fall to the waist side.
So, how do we find these magical people?
A lot of trial and error. Because, if we don’t open up to those around us, then how can we find the ones that we can rely on? So, we open our hearts and yes, sometimes we get burned. Sometimes we go deep with people that show us over time that they are not in fact our safe place anymore. So, we pick up the pieces, and we try again.
What I am coming to learn, is not to regret anyone that has come into your life, but instead honour the experiences you shared and the role they played in who you are, and where you are headed. The amazing thing about adopting this outlook, is that it has the ability to release any resentment. I have also learned that we all go through seasons of growth, and not everyone around us, will join us. Everyone must walk their own path. I struggle with this at times — wanting to shout from the rooftop my newly obtained knowledge, with the intent to change the world one conversation at a time — all while respecting the personal journeys of those around me.
I want so badly for everyone to find their ocean, but what if not everyone is ready? Sure, it’s easy to celebrate life’s wins with almost anyone around us, but what about life’s pain?
Over the last two years, I started going to an amazing, vibrant, non-judgemental place that I never knew existed. Especially since this place is called a church. That is a really weird thing for a person like me to say who was never much of a ‘church’ person and had the same aversion to the word that I know you did when you read it just now. Don’t worry, I am not going to get all preachy preachy on you, but I do want to explain what finding this unicorn of a place has done for me. First and foremost, it has submersed me into a sea of beautiful people full of love and light — a few that I feel will be lifelong friends. It has showed me that we do not need to do life alone. That there are people out there that you can spew all of your deepest, darkest fears onto and they will listen. The look into your soul kind of listen. They will help you through your grief and hard times, and embrace your ‘ugly tears.’
It is in this place that I recently listened to a word about pain and how diversely we respond to it. So many of us choose not to go there. We put it up on the highest shelf, blocking it out because it hurts too much. Instead, we live our life on the brink of losing it — unaware of all of these triggers that bring about feelings we aren’t prepared to work through. Sometimes it manifests itself in other feelings, or perhaps we alienate ourselves from those that love us most. Maybe we have decided that’s what works for us… but maybe, just maybe… instead of running from the hurt, we chose to run into the arms of our ocean. Could we deal with our pain if we had people to fall into – people that would make sure we didn’t fall into the abyss? Maybe it’s not even about ‘dealing’ with it, because some things simply cannot be ‘dealt’ with – but rather, we faced it.
Maybe it’s in a church, a temple, a group of some kind, a friends living room, or a mud hut for all I care. But I urge you to face it. Because, what I am beginning to see, is how utterly delightful celebrating life’s wins can be when you aren’t running from the pain. And, that those same people that stood alongside you when it was tough, can also stand beside you when it’s wonderful! But first, you need to find them, with arms wide and flippers on.
So, jump on in. The water is warm.