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Postpartum Doula & Certified Fitness Trainer Offering Support in the Tri-Cities

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And then, there were three.

July 30, 2018 By Me2Admin

Our first night home with Viola and how I came face to face with the reality of parenthood.

As I hobbled my way out of the maternity ward, barely able to stand upright after my caesarean, I could hardly believe they were letting us leave with this little living person. Didn’t they like, send you home with a nurse or a manual? Something? Anything?

Regardless of my relentless begging to stay where it was safe, and there were lots of hands on deck, we were sent home from the hospital. My Mom and husband wanted desperately to get back to the comforts of home, but I was anxious and considering moving into the hospital, if they would have me.

Here’s the thing, I’m a realist.

I knew what we were going home to, to some degree. Two dogs (one that had a history of not liking children), my brother, sister-in-law, my Mom, and my Dad. I anticipated it would be anything less than relaxing. But, I was looking forward to my bed, and not being interrupted by someone every half-hour. (Insert laughing and pointing at you emoji here.)

We got home around 9:00pm on a Friday night. A strange time to come home. I had always imagined coming home on a sunny Saturday afternoon, the birds chirping, your house clean and bright. Instead, it was a cold, rainy October evening, and I remember feeling a little depressed about the reality compared to the fairytale I had painted in my mind.

I slowly stumbled into the house, not quite upright, barely lifting my feet off the ground. This prompted Jack (dog #1) to yelp and bark with concern, which caused Charlie (dog #2) to join in, which woke up the baby, which made me mad, which made my brother laugh (jerk)… Welcome home!

The house was dimly lit, and the rain gently splashed on the windows. Viola was passed around for everyone to meet, and I got situated in the arm chair. I nursed her a bit, and then everyone decided they were ready for bed, as it was after all, close to 10:00pm now and we better all get a good sleep, as tomorrow would be the first day of parenting in the real world!

I went to get up from the chair, and realized that I couldn’t. WTF. I literally could not pull myself to an upright position. The searing pain hit me like a freight train. I began to panic, wondering how I was going to manage without a nurse and a hospital bed that had a button to go up and down as I needed. Finally, with Ivan’s help, we got upstairs and fumbled around with our toothbrushes and pajamas. We transferred Vi into her bassinet beside the bed, and gazed at her for a moment as she slept peacefully. SLEEP. Why are we not asleep too?! MY BED, MY SWEET, GLORIOUS BED. YES.

I stood beside the plush mountain of memory foam pillow-top, ready to jump in, but then stopped. How would I get into this beast? I was beginning to think I was going to need a bell. “Ding Ding, Oh Ivan!” He assisted me as I slowly managed to get horizontal, my eyes wet with tears from the struggle. Finally, we were under the duvet, eyes already heavy with sleep, I sighed. “Goodnight,” I said to Ivan. “Goodnight my love,” he replied. I closed my eyes ready to sleep the night away.

“WAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”

And that, my friends, was how parenthood smacked me in the face.

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bottle feeding breastfeeding c-section cancer doula family feeding baby firsts first time mom fitlife foodlife friendship journey momlife motherhood my life parenting postpartum real life self growth survivor
We found them on a routine ultrasound – fibroids We found them on a routine ultrasound – fibroids: solid, benign tumors.

Given there was nothing we could do about them during pregnancy, I took the info with a grain of salt (and admittedly, some anxiety) and moved on. By my second pregnancy less than two years later, they had multiplied, grown, and eliminated the chance of a v-bac but baby boy was born via another c-section and I didn’t think about them again until 4 years later when they began to wreak havoc. (I’ll leave you to go ahead and google what they are capable of.) 😉 

These stubborn masses continue to grow in both size and number until menopause. At the age of 34, that was daunting to hear. Even more so, there is no medication available and only two procedures to treat them – an ablation or hysterectomy. An ablation leaves your uterus intact but offers temporary results with most fibroids returning in the years to come. Given we are done having children, it felt like a straightforward choice.

Hysterectomy it is.

Cue all the feelings, but perhaps what caught me off guard most was the attachment I felt to this organ. There is a source of femininity that derives from our womb and the thoughts of how I may feel after this is removed from my body have been interesting to sift through. 

After my c-sections, the mere act of lifting myself off the couch was difficult. The way our core supports the entirety of our body does not evade me. Will this  elective surgery have a similar recovery? 🥴

My second c-section had its trials when I didn’t respond to the medication well and I felt more than I should have. It took me almost 2 years to be able talk about the experience without having a full-on trauma response. 

But, I have healed. I have done the work to get to this balanced and strong place I find myself in now and I have to remind myself daily that I have a firmer foundation now than I did years ago. I am not the same woman who rolled into that operating room in 2015.

I can say with confidence that I will get through this and use it to do good in the world. I will dig deep and allow it to grow me in ways I haven’t yet ventured through.

So see ya later uterus, let’s see who I am without you. ✌🏻
Do you feel like some things feel harder for you t Do you feel like some things feel harder for you than for others?

It’s probably because they are! 

Oh my goodness, how often do we find ourselves comparing one another? We look at the way someone else is living and think, “they make it look so easy.” The truth is, we all have the opportunity to maximize our odds, and it doesn’t look like trying to be the best at something because it’s trendy. It is about finding the right field for YOU. 

Pick the right habits for YOU and progress is going to feel a heck of a lot easier. Pick the wrong habits and life will feel like a struggle. 

Want to be physically active? Great! Find a means that’s most enjoyable. If you hate running, don’t do it! Find habits that feel pleasurable (or at least ones you don’t hate.) 

The truth is we are all born with a makeup of genes that we cannot change. What comes easy to me, may feel hard for you and vice versa. 

Habits are so much easier when they align with our natural abilities. Find something that favours your strengths or create your own way that is specific to you. 

Genes do not diminish the need for hard work, they make it crystal clear. They are what tell us what and where to place our efforts. 

I love leading others, I’ve been this way since I came out of the womb. It feels easy and fun to me to speak to big groups or have intimate 1:1 conversations. Going deep doesn’t feel like a chore, it feels like a thrill. So I began a career where I can use and grow in those skills and it doesn’t feel like work! I love to lift weights and run in the woods but cycling feels like a chore. I’ll never enjoy it you won’t be seeing me compete in Tour De France any time soon. I love to write but reading takes more discipline. The list goes on. 

I love this example from the book Atomic Habits:

“Boiling water will soften a potato but harden an egg. You can’t control whether you’re a potato or an egg, but you can decide to play a game where it’s better to be hard or soft.”

What’s something you’re good at and feels easy/pleasurable and what’s something you don’t enjoy that feels hard? 👇🏻

📸 @jamalamyaphotography
Two years ago I was lounging in my backyard sippin Two years ago I was lounging in my backyard sipping beer while I waited for the ‘two week lockdown’ to lift. 

It didnt take long for me to understand that this foreign way of life may be here to stay longer than expected and so, I started to reevaluate things. Sitting around sipping IPA got old quick, and I decided that it was time to find some coping mechanisms that were healthier for both body and mind. 

I decided to get brutally honest with myself about the life I wanted to live vs. the life I was actually living based on the habits I was (and was not) practicing. I began to recognize that who I felt I was meant to be deep deep down in my soul, was going to take some work and I was ready to get uncomfortable. 

I started to exercise every morning, eat a little cleaner, drink a little less. These changes sparked something in me — the motivation to really shake things up. 

They were the catalysts. 

I dove all in. 

I made physical exercise a non-negotiable, ate food that nourished me, submersed myself into accountability amongst like-minded women and connected consistently with friends that lit me up. I wrote, read good books, leaned into my faith, went to therapy and finally gave myself permission to build the life I was called to live. 

As I established this foundation of a new normal, I watched my life begin to change. I watched as everything around me felt more joyful. I became a better wife, mother, friend and family member. I went back to school and grew my business which now enables me to serve other women on their own journey. The ‘snowball effect’ is the real deal. 

Looking back on these last two years and all I have accomplished (and continue to strive for), it is a reminder that sometimes all it takes is ONE moment to change the trajectory of everything. One decision that says, ‘time to shake things up.” 

Where were you two years ago? Where are you now? Maybe your moment happens today. 

Xo Kim

📸 @jamalamyaphotography
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Hi, I’m Kim!

I am a certified pre/post-natal fitness trainer, Holistic Nutrition Consultant, Doula and Wellness / Life Coach offering support in the Tri-Cities and virtually from the comfort of your home. Get in touch

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